A few moments ago, I did something that triggered shame in me.
I had zero intent to do the wrong thing but due to mindlessness for a moment and perhaps a wee bit of ignorance, I felt bad, a bit ashamed and a little embarrassed about making a mistake.
Being corrected usually does not trigger me. Sure did today, though.
I began to explore the emotion. Why did I feel that way? Turns out, I was raised Catholic. Shame, guilt and a genuine lack of worthiness got drilled into me during the '80's under a teaching staff of Carmelite nuns. I know they meant well and spread some joy too, but I had many emotions to dig into and unearth, to cultivate a confident, peaceful, clear demeanor of deserving and worthiness. Toss in growing up around a few folks who seemed to be ashamed and embarrassed with a hair trigger launching their shame, and I picked up bad habits in this regard.
After many years of blogging and ample inner work, I have largely freed myself from blogging shame. But as evidenced by a few moments ago, I still have work to do.
How About You?
How do you feel about your blog? Do you feel ashamed at all about your blog? Do you freely mention your blog in virtually any social circle? How about your friends? How do you feel explaining that you are a blogger in front of folks who believe working online is “not a real job”?
Be honest with yourself. Most of us talk a good blogging game as a new blogger but fall like a house of cards any time someone teases us or makes light of our blogging career. I sat in that boat. Friends and family triggered me during those days. My dad still does not quite get blogging but I feel much clearer when we briefly discuss what I do these days.
The Problem with Shame
Feeling shame deep down ensures you hold back, hide away and take your foot off of the blogging pedal. I freely promote one eBook through all guest posts I publish. Joy generously does a fabulous job promoting my eBooks too; thanks buddy 🙂
But if I felt a bit ashamed about my blog or eBooks, guaranteed, I do everything I can to not promote my eBooks, to avoid guest posting and to ensure I gain little exposure through my blog. Why? Ashamed bloggers who feel a bit embarrassed about their blogs do everything possible to limit online exposure, to avoid triggering their feeling of shame. Hey; people need to actually see your blog to criticize you, to belittle you or to publish a negative comment that triggers your shame and embarrassment. Takes 2 human beings to dance the Shame Tango.
Scores of highly talented, well-meaning bloggers self-sabotage by playing small, to limit exposure, and to avoid feeling their horrible shame.
Guess what? Being honest about your shame frees you from this emotion. Being largely free of shame, you self-promote like you breathe and freely share your time and talents with the world.
Feel the embarrassed sting of receiving a 1 star review. Sit with the shame of receiving a highly critical, negative blog comment. Observe the ashamed feeling after a dear offline buddy makes fun of your blog, or mocks your blogging career. Let someone you trust offline tell you that blogging is not a real job (Thank goodness it's not a job!).
Feeling shame is the gateway to clearing shame. Clearing shame precedes a rapid acceleration of your blogging growth. Once you cease hiding away, you put yourself out there in the world, generously sharing your time and talents because you aren't ashamed of doing so.
Be hyper aware of your emotions. Shame feels horrible to embrace but often sneaks around in the background, poking its head in the backdoor for a second until you invite this energy into the room of your mind. Be with it, feel it, clear it and you position yourself to experience a new surge of blogging growth.
Do you slam into the same newbie blogging problems again and again? Let's get past these issues to free you of these mistakes. Buy my eBook:
10 Disastrous Mistakes Newbie Bloggers Make and How to Fix Them