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How Are You Doing with Blogging Shame?

A few moments ago, I did something that triggered shame in me.

I had zero intent to do the wrong thing but due to mindlessness for a moment and perhaps a wee bit of ignorance, I felt bad, a bit ashamed and a little embarrassed about making a mistake.

Being corrected usually does not trigger me. Sure did today, though.

I began to explore the emotion. Why did I feel that way? Turns out, I was raised Catholic. Shame, guilt and a genuine lack of worthiness got drilled into me during the '80's under a teaching staff of Carmelite nuns. I know they meant well and spread some joy too, but I had many emotions to dig into and unearth, to cultivate a confident, peaceful, clear demeanor of deserving and worthiness. Toss in growing up around a few folks who seemed to be ashamed and embarrassed with a hair trigger launching their shame, and I picked up bad habits in this regard.

After many years of blogging and ample inner work, I have largely freed myself from blogging shame. But as evidenced by a few moments ago, I still have work to do.

How About You?

How do you feel about your blog? Do you feel ashamed at all about your blog? Do you freely mention your blog in virtually any social circle? How about your friends? How do you feel explaining that you are a blogger in front of folks who believe working online is “not a real job”?

Be honest with yourself. Most of us talk a good blogging game as a new blogger but fall like a house of cards any time someone teases us or makes light of our blogging career. I sat in that boat. Friends and family triggered me during those days. My dad still does not quite get blogging but I feel much clearer when we briefly discuss what I do these days.

The Problem with Shame

Feeling shame deep down ensures you hold back, hide away and take your foot off of the blogging pedal. I freely promote one eBook through all guest posts I publish. Joy generously does a fabulous job promoting my eBooks too; thanks buddy 🙂

But if I felt a bit ashamed about my blog or eBooks, guaranteed, I do everything I can to not promote my eBooks, to avoid guest posting and to ensure I gain little exposure through my blog. Why? Ashamed bloggers who feel a bit embarrassed about their blogs do everything possible to limit online exposure, to avoid triggering their feeling of shame. Hey; people need to actually see your blog to criticize you, to belittle you or to publish a negative comment that triggers your shame and embarrassment. Takes 2 human beings to dance the Shame Tango.

Scores of highly talented, well-meaning bloggers self-sabotage by playing small, to limit exposure, and to avoid feeling their horrible shame.

Guess what? Being honest about your shame frees you from this emotion. Being largely free of shame, you self-promote like you breathe and freely share your time and talents with the world.

Feel It

Feel the embarrassed sting of receiving a 1 star review. Sit with the shame of receiving a highly critical, negative blog comment. Observe the ashamed feeling after a dear offline buddy makes fun of your blog, or mocks your blogging career. Let someone you trust offline tell you that blogging is not a real job (Thank goodness it's not a job!).

Feeling shame is the gateway to clearing shame. Clearing shame precedes a rapid acceleration of your Ryan Biddulph Disastrous Mistakes Newbie Bloggers Make and How to Fix Themblogging growth. Once you cease hiding away, you put yourself out there in the world, generously sharing your time and talents because you aren't ashamed of doing so.

Be hyper aware of your emotions. Shame feels horrible to embrace but often sneaks around in the background, poking its head in the backdoor for a second until you invite this energy into the room of your mind. Be with it, feel it, clear it and you position yourself to experience a new surge of blogging growth.

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Ryan Biddulph
 

Joy - April 3, 2020

Hi Ryan,

Funnily enough this article came at the perfect moment, because earlier today I made a silly mistake, with the best of intentions, but without thinking it through properly. And when I saw the other person’s point of view and the upset I’d nearly caused I was really ashamed.

Not blogging related at all, but I felt really bad, and still have a sick feeling in my stomach.

You got me thinking about my own upbringing, not Catholic, but quite religious background and yes – despite being very loving family, I was often made to feel ashamed of myself – with love of course.

One friend read it and said she didn’t know what I was talking about – whoops 🙂

So yes, I do keep my blog very much to myself in the family. The family know I do ‘it’ but they humour me and say they don’t know why I bother. I will work on being braver LOL

I saw a great quote the other day, that I can’t take any credit for. It was something along the lines of … “Today they’ll ask you why you’re doing it, one day they’ll ask you how you did it”.

Thanks for another great article, and it’s always a pleasure to promote your ebooks because I know they deliver value from someone who walks the walk, instead of just talking the talk!

Joy Healey – Blogging After Dark

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