Being Myself Online Avoids Stress

brain-mindset-250Yesterday I went to a truly wonderful “Success Comes From Within Workshop” and met some inspirational yet completely caring people who have reminded me that “being myself online” is perfectly OK.

Working On Mindset

I've been feeling I needed a bit of a “Mindset Topup” for a while now. Pressure of work, and a few other things were getting to me.

Then the invitation came from a lady who I knew from my days in the complementary therapy industry. I always enjoyed her events, and this one seemed pretty timely.

She's probably running it again and I don't want to pinch her material LOL. So here are just the first 2 pages of my copious notes which were particularly relevant to me at the moment.

There was lots more good stuff with practical exercises.

Shallow Measures Of Success

We started off by defining “Success”. Given the backgrounds of the other attendees (mainly dining-room-mincomplementary therapists), you won't be surprised to hear that it was NOT about:

  • Super-cars
  • Mega-riches
  • Having a big house
  • Celebrity friends
  • Expensive holidays

This is a group of people I can relate to, because in so many places of my life I'm already where I want to be, that I'm looking for a deeper meaning of success than those.

I already love my house, my car gets me from A-B safely, and I have a group of very close friends. I had two holidays in the last 12 months, and I'm a bit bored with holidays now to be honest. There's no place like home 🙂

So why am I doing all this home-business stuff you might ask?

Partly it's to have a supplementary income so that when I retire it can be at the same high standard of living that I currently have.

But mainly, it's for most of the reasons below….

Deeper Meaning Of Success

Here are a few of the ways success was defined / discussed within the group:

  • Self-confidence
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Empowerment
  • Growing and moving forward
  • Producing your own energy attracts happiness
  • Feeling fulfilled by what you do day-to-day, whether you call it work or play
  • Helping others less fortunate than ourselves
  • Achievement – and believing in what you're achieving
  • Being at peace

In fact we finally decided that “Success implies an end rather than a journey”.

As most of us preferred to think about continued accomplishment, we decided to “do away with” the term success for the rest of the day 🙂

One thing everyone agreed upon was “Don't judge yourself by other people's ideas of what you should be doing”.

Compartments of Accomplishment

We all drew a “Life Map” with ourself at the centre of our little universe and considered the following areas:

  • Relationships
  • Work Life
  • Financial
  • Fun and Recreation
  • Health and Well-being
  • Spirituality
  • Philanthropy

Most of us were lucky enough that we have some areas of life that are going swimmingly, while others need work.

Work-Life Balance

A few months ago I had already recognised that my work/life balance was too weighted towards work, so I started introducing lots of new things into my life:

  • Return to Church
  • Joined a Book Club
  • Volunteering for two charities
  • Went back to my line-dancing class
  • Yoga
  • Accepting more invitations from friends and even instigating some!

Largely these have been a great success and I started to feel I had a better life balance.

What Went Wrong?

So it's been a bit of a surprise to me to find that I had stopped looking forward to “work” – which used to be my reason for getting up each day. (OK, sad I know, but I love my work – normally!)

Of late, I've almost had to drag myself to the computer. Not for my offline work – that's as busy and enjoyable as ever. But the online work was getting me down. Why?

First let's flip back to the Success Mindset Day…

Three Core Elements Of Feeling Satisfied

We talked about:

  1. Having a sense of self – the need to look yourself in the eye and feel good about where you are in life. Of special note was remembering that Facebook gives a distorted view of reality.
  2. Taking responsibility and not being a victim. Control your attitude to life's side-swipes. You can't stop life getting in the way, but you can control how you respond to it.
  3. Raising your consciousness and being kind even when faced with anger and negativity. Supporting those around you who are in pain.

Online Work Getting Me Down

It was number 1 that was getting to me.

I was not being myself online.

The group I'm working with to promote one program – a very nice bunch, by the way – are all doing Facebook marketing. Posting in groups and on their profiles and the dreaded videos. Regular readers know how I feel about those!

Yes, all the leaders tell me I should do videos, and I'm sure they're right, but it just isn't me.

Whilst I am “outing”, I have to confess that while I enjoy learning from SOME people's training videos, I'm much less keen on listening to people talking about “life”. I don't mean that to sound harsh, but some of them are just too long. Two minutes I'll listen to, and that's about it! I have a business (or four) to run.

Am I the only person running a part-time business online? Does everyone else have 24/7 Facebook (etc etc) exposure?

  • work-home-px-250When I'm working on my offline businesses I need to work uninterrupted.
  • When I'm writing a blog post I don't want my flow broken
  • When I'm relaxing, I'm relaxing, not answering Facebook messages
  • When I'm out shopping I'm not sitting at my desk where I can give a professional answer to a client or lead
  • When I'm out with friends we all agree it's rude to keep your phone on beeping at you. I'm still of the generation that believes a mobile is for emergencies. Anyway I can barely hear the thing with all the poor and dropped connections. Unless it's an emergency, why on earth use a mobile when I'm sitting next to my nice clear landline?

Finally it dawned on me that pressure to do video marketing like one particular group is doing was just getting me down, causing me stress and draining enthusiasm for my online business.

Being Myself Online

I shared this at the group yesterday and had to concede that no-one was “making me” do it.

But the peer-pressure and guilt of not doing what “the group” was doing, was worrying me – to the extent that I was making excuses for “not working today”. Unheard of for me!

We talked it through at the meeting and concluded that, as long as I support the team effort in my own way, there was no reason for not being myself online.

So, going forward, I will be “me” again. I already feel stronger for making the decision.

Am I Alone?

Happily I was chatting to another very successful online marketer and he too agreed with me that he'd only said to his wife the other day that he was sick of all this video marketing stuff and had no intention of spending the rest of his life listening to people drone on in Facebook videos!

So imagine my delight to find that my product licensing business provides “done for you” videos, with professionally done slides and webinars.

Being Myself Online

Are you being true to yourself online? Please comment and share.


Please share

I left it too late to plan for a financially secure retirement. Don't make my mistake. Start building an extra income with a part-time (or full-time) business online. Think you don't have time? Can't afford the start-up cost? Can't meet sales targets? Contact me for free advice (no obligation) on the best fit for your circumstances.

Kim Willis - September 19, 2016

Hi Joy,

Interesting post, thanks for sharing.

When it comes to making money online, there are different ways to do it. I prefer organic warm market methods, whilst others prefer cold market methods, such as solo ads etc.

Although using Facebook for business is not for everyone, I find it works very well. But truth be told, if marketers have an aversion to engaging with people, it probably won’t be a good fit for them.

And yes – I agree. It IS rude when people focus on their SMS messages in a social environment, rather than immerse themselves in good conversation with their companions.

Thanks Joy


    Joy - September 19, 2016

    Hi Kim,

    Just to be clear – I’m not remotely talking about the methods you taught in your recent Mastermind, which I found very useful 🙂

    This is something different altogether. You won’t actually see it on my page because I’ve kept most of it hidden, but I suspect you wouldn’t want it on yours either LOL.

    I know you’re very successful with marketing on Facebook and you do it very well. Hopefully as I practice what you taught, I will get better at it. I have actually had some good conversations with some people and feel I know them a lot better from your methods.

    Perhaps because my online time is really limited and I’m juggling so many different things online and offline I’m too impatient. Also I haven’t yet mastered your knack of turning the tables on people who are chatting me up to get me to join their business.

    Well, I don’t have an aversion to engaging with people, so perhaps there’s hope for me still 🙂

    Joy – Blogging After Dark

Lesly T. Federici - September 21, 2016

Hi Joy,
Love the name of your blog 🙂 When I was younger, before I was married some 25 years ago, I would do things, behave a certain way, hide my feelings to please others. I always felt like I was cheating myself, but I realized I was not happy and it never got the results I wanted. I have grown to be more comfortable with myself and call the “shots”. As a result I am a happier person. It’s been one of the hardest lessons to learn because it’s a lot easier to please others than to depend on yourself. I see this with internet marketing too or any business really. We see what other successful people are doing and try to do the same and it doesn’t always work. For me, the way it works for me is engaging with others, promoting and caring about people first before pushing the business… the one unknown variable as to what kind of results you’ll (meaning anyone) have is – personality. I think following your heart and doing those things that make sense to you based on what you like/don’t like is the best guide. Learn, but do what makes sense to you. Wonderful to visit 🙂

    Joy - September 21, 2016

    Hi Lesly,

    Thanks for that. I have been used to “doing as I was told” for most of my life – all from people who loved me and wanted the best for me, but I never really made many decisions for myself.

    Matt (my son) and his wife are encouraging me to stand up for myself more! Yes, you’re right – being someone who pleases others is much easier.

    I hope any potential clients will take advantage of the opportunity to have a chat about any business first.

    Great to see you hear again 🙂

    Joy – Blogging After Dark

Robin Khokhar - September 21, 2016

Hi Joy,
Another amazing post. I truly say to you that I read this post because of the title that you have written and it’s really a good post to read.
Thanks for the share.
have a great week ahead.

    Joy - September 21, 2016

    Hi Robin,

    I’m glad you said that, because choosing post titles is one of the areas I’m trying to improve on 🙂

    Enjoy the rest of your week, Joy – Blogging After Dark

Amar kumar - September 22, 2016

Hey Joy,

We all respond to stress differently so, there’s no one size fits all, solution to managing stress. But if you feel like the stress in your life is out of control, it’s time to take action. It’s easy to identify sources of stress following a major life event such as changing jobs, moving home, or losing a loved one, but pinpointing the sources of everyday stress can be more complicated. It’s all too easy to overlook your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that contribute to your stress levels.

Social engagement is the quickest, most efficient way to rein in stress and avoid overreacting to internal or external events that you perceive as threatening. Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation. Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. But if you plan ahead and make sure you don’t overextend yourself, you’ll find it easier to stay calm and focused. Eventually, thanks for this interesting post and support.

With best wishes,

Amar kumar

    Joy - September 25, 2016

    Hi Amar,

    The stress I referred to here was more about not being true to myself, rather than time management related.

    Much as I’d like to take my own tips for better time management the one thing I’m unable to do is control how much clients “put onto me” – all at once. Still, having too much work is a better “problem” to have than being short of work.

    When I have too much work, it tends to be the social media work that gets dropped because I find that the least enjoyable and least productive. Of course everyone is different, and we all have to work to our own skills and preferences.

    Joy – Blogging After Dark

Ravi Chahar - September 22, 2016

Hey Joy,

Whether you handle an online business or your life, you should always be what you are. Happiness is when you do what you like.

Such type of workshops can be really helpful. You can remember what you have lost and can reframe it.

I totally agree with you that home is the best place to stay. I work from home and loving it.

Thanks for the sharing with us.

    Joy - September 25, 2016

    Hi Ravi,

    Reframing is an excellent NLP technique that can improve your happiness in life.

    Joy – Blogging After Dark

Sue Bride - September 23, 2016

I’m frustrated with Facebook Pages. A couple of weeks ago my posts were being shown to a couple of hundred people, this week it’s down to 2-4 again! I’m not doing anything different – maybe they think it’s time I paid for ads again!

Making videos isn’t my thing and I’ve resisted making them. I still much prefer reading than watching and listening. One of my pet hates is webinars that aren’t recorded (those that don’t allow for participation) or videos that don’t have controls to fast forward! They are time stealers!

I recently did some mindfulness training, with the intention of making me more productive online. Like you I realized there is more to life than being online and I’m leaving more time for other areas. Strangely enough I have been more productive and wasting less time when I am online.

    Joy - September 25, 2016

    Hi Sue,

    I know what you mean about Facebook, it does seem very hit and miss what happens. I’ve even tried paying for Facebook ads and I usually seem to do something wrong that picks the wrong type of advert, so I haven’t had much success with Facebook advertising either.

    Videos are not for me either – unless they are demonstrating something. Sometimes they drone on and on and you just want to fast forward to hear what you want to hear. Time stealers is the right expression. Doubly so for me because I almost always fall asleep in videos and then have to go back and listen again.

    Glad your mindfulness training has helped. We do sometimes need to take a step back and and see what works for us, instead of just following what everyone else tells us to do.

    Joy – Blogging After Dark

Lydia Brown - September 24, 2016

Hello Joy, great post. It took me many years to find my voice. Pretty much this was founded on how I was raised. Probably the whole children are to seen not heard principle. Once I did I have never looked back. Now there was a process to go through I actually had to figure out what I liked and didn’t like opposed to what my parents, teachers and religious figures told me to like or not like. Then it became a piece of cake and I felt like I fit in this world. Thank you for sharing.

    Joy - September 25, 2016

    Hi Lydia

    So many of us were brought up to be “seen and not heard”! I’m sure it was all done with the best will in the world, but didn’t really equip us well for later life. You’re right – not just parents, teachers and religious leaders can be sharing the same thoughts, so we need to be aware not to fall into the same trap.

    Joy – Blogging After Dark

Donna Merrill - September 25, 2016

Hi Joy,

What a refreshing post! When we work online, we have to “come into our own” and chose the things we do enjoy doing. I get what you mean here. I always had a love/hate thing going on with Twitter. I hired a V.A. a while back and business was great coming from that part. I still had to pay attention to that platform even with a V.A. but I just couldn’t jive with it. So I took a course of course lol. I tried to make peace with this thing…I applied what I had learned and still had that dreaded feeling when I went to that platform, so I just tossed it aside. Maybe some day I can understand it.

I love Facebook and doing business there. Lately I found Instagram is a place I enjoy. After taking a course of the How To’s, I didn’t think I could be up to snuff, but I found that I had a hidden creative part of me that came out via this platform. I shoot pictures all the time now wherever I go…even the supermarket.

Balance is so important. We have to love what we do in every aspect of our lives. I am trying to “get out there” more with real people. It is another journey I’m taking to force myself to have time for friends. I’m at the beginning of this but I am learning more about me.

That’s the nutshell…whatever we are doing in life, we have to have a mindset of our growth and keep on challenging ourselves. I think it’s the bees knees!


    Joy - September 25, 2016

    Hi Donna

    Interesting that you understand what I mean with Twitter – yet found that things worked well for you on Instagram even though you hadn’t expected to like it or be good at it. I’m sure that taking a course would have helped you as It’s frustrating to try and figure these things out by yourself.

    I did Kim Willis’ Mastermind which really helped me with Facebook and Twitter and as I get better at applying what I have learned there it does come more easily. Time continues to be my big challenge. I have considered a VA but I’m still a bit of a control freak and not sure I could settle to that.

    Given that time is so short for me I don’t feel up to adding yet another platform. However I will do what I can on Facebook and Twitter and consider those my growth / challenge areas.

    Thanks for sharing your own experiences and so please you’re having success on Instagram too.

    Joy – Blogging After Dark

Chery Schmidt - September 25, 2016

Hello Joy First off I have to say this workshop sounds like it really got your mind to thinking HUH?

Next I just love how you share your story with us! I have also learned to just be myself over the years.

When I first got started online, my sponsor said Chery “Just Fake It Until You Make It!’ Well like you have stated this made me very uncomfortable, and I to didn’t look forward to jumping online..

So I went back to being ME! And you know what? Other people started connecting with me. Yeh Me, not the made up version who was a Millionaire LOL

HEHE Yeh just me with the Millionaire Mindset..

Great Share
Thanks My Friend
Chery :))

    Joy - September 25, 2016

    Hi Chery,

    Yes, the workshop did get me thinking! Sometimes it’s good to just step outside what you’ve been doing and have a good old think. Getting back to basics.

    It’s so much easier to be yourself isn’t it. I don’t have a good enough memory to “fake it”!

    I think that’s one of the things I like most about PAC. The bloggers who are really active in the group are completely genuine. Those that are faking it don’t last long because other members soon “suss them out”.

    Sometimes when we say something controversial, it’s encouraging how many other people actually feel the same, but just haven’t said so – because they were afraid of being themselves.

    So please carry on being “you” and having your own distinctive personality.

    Joy – Blogging After Dark

sazia kazia - September 25, 2016

Hi Joy Healey mam, Great points shared. Work life balance is important thing to follow. Being ourselves online and other all points have good value in itself. Thanks for sharing

Ryan Biddulph - September 28, 2016

Hi Joy,

When you’re being you, all flows nicely. When you’re not, wow do we lose our energy. I’ve found myself there too, not too far back actually. I had success and even some fun but lost my humorous ways a bit, not putting my personality into my posts. So I still hit on pain points to connect with my readers and wrote my short and punchy sentences – largely – but also revisited being me by adding more humor, a travel story or 2, and heck, just the real ME to my blog posts.

I largely do a good job being me, as far as being authentic, but I just needed to REALLY let me out again from a more energized, charged, genuine space, to enjoy the ride immensely again.

Great message Joy.

Thanks for sharing 🙂


PS….I’ve not the time for long Facebook videos either 😉

    Joy - September 29, 2016

    Hi Ryan,

    Yes, it’s quite exhausting trying to be (or being) someone you’re not. If it’s any consolation I still enjoyed your posts, even when you perhaps felt you weren’t being completely yourself.

    Thank goodness it’s not just me who can’t be bothered with all these long Facebook videos! Perhaps the fad will pass in time 🙂 Life’s too short.

    Thanks for visiting.

    Joy – Blogging After Dark

Elise Cohen Ho - November 19, 2016

The words “being myself online” truly spoke to me. Sometimes we are so busy trying to be everything that we think that others want us to be we just forget that what they really want is the true and authentic you.

    Joy - November 19, 2016

    Hi Elise,

    I’m glad this post meant something to you. Your comment is written a couple of months after I wrote the blog post, so I’m pleased to report that – having resolved to abandon thoughts of videos, booms and kapows, I’ve been much happier – being “myself” online 🙂

    Joy – Blogging After Dark

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